I hear mostly just song lyrics I don't understand that I repeat in my head and I walk along outside thinking about the people who walk along looking for people to meet but they never do because everyone keeps walking in a direction that's not right or wrong but just around the space they should be trying to get to. In the post-humidity the sidewalk gets crunchy by early morning and it reminds me of how my hair used to freeze on some grade 11 walks to school. I started writing again, really writing. I wrote about physical writing. I wrote about dust trapped in ink. I wrote about breathing it in. I wrote about thinking about the things I was writing about that I thought about. That's my headspace that I can't quite get into. I feel like my life is happening to me. I feel like what I feel is just shower water washing over my skin and then down the drain. I feel like I understand a bunch of stupid things finally that I never understood before. Like how exist can be a verb, how it works. The truth value of fictional sentences. I feel like I forgot how to or forgot to understand the things that I can't roll between my fingers and flick in a glowing spiral to an explosion on the ground. And I'm mostly just waiting for some explosions in the ground. The big bang that can just do it for me. Fuck. I don't know if this makes sense because I've forgotten. Propter hoc or maybe post-hock, I don't know why I'm putting new words in this space either.